The EFL Devil’s Dictionary | A is for ADOS

A is for ADOS (ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF STUDIES)

The ADOS will generally be a somewhat younger person than the DOS and might appear to be in a better physical condition. For example, it’s possible that they can move up and down stairs at a normal speed. The ADOS aspires to become Lackey-in-Chief to the Owner and is essentially just biding their time waiting for the DOS to croak. The ADOS monitors the health condition of the DOS on a daily basis, waiting patiently for any signs of deterioration. Once home, they might experiment with various Hoodoo rituals involving sticking pins into crudely-fashioned dolls of the DOS.

Very often, the ADOS will play Good Cop to the DOS Bad Cop. This means an ADOS tends to be very much more liked by staff than the DOS although it should be remembered that once the DOS finally snuffs it, the ADOS will revert to the DOS character type and transmute into an Evil Bastard.

Anybody in the ADOS role should have perfected a certain kind of weakly sympathetic smile to be used with staff whenever they are talking about problems. Such a smile is best perfected in front of a mirror in order to be sufficiently convincing. Ideally, the ADOS should also have a range of soft and gentle “Aaah” sounds than can convey sympathy when staff are expressing suicidal ideations. A DOS will not be capable of producing such sounds.

Your ADOS: angel or demon?